“most of the time I hate change. change means goodbye: to moments or to memories or to people. things I’m not ready to say goodbye to, but sometimes it’s not my choice what or who stays. BUT I guess change isn’t all bad, change gives room to grow and teaches me about the things that matter. change scares me & it makes me feel alone BUT it gives me the opportunity to lean on the Lord and my family and my close friends. change gives me a clean slate. change makes me miss the past BUT it makes me thankful for my present and hopeful for my future. I believe change is the Lord’s way of closing a window to open a door because all though ‘I don’t know what my future holds, I know Who holds my future’”
that’s something I posted on finsta just a little while ago. when I wrote it, I was in my car on my hour drive home and was looking forward to seeing our new renovations. I live in a small, red brick house on the corner. our walls have chipped paint, our doors have no knobs, and we are all a little too close for comfort. but our small house is what has brought my blended family together.
my step sister and I have shared a room for the past 10 years. although we didn’t always get along, it was in this room that we grew from step sisters to best friends to true sisters. in this room, we sang & danced, laughed & cried, and shared our secrets & grew up. but we each have our own rooms now and she feels far away.
I’ve been feeling like the people I was once close to are now far away from me. like I’ve been trapped in a canoe that is drifting away from the shores. like the inland people are still in sight but becoming smaller until they’re indistinguishable from the horizon. like my entire body was engulfed by a horrible fatigue from paddling day after day only to be pulled back by the tide.
for a while this really really made my heart ache. everyday was becoming a little more painful because each day I missed them more. but one day it stopped; then I started healing. when I stopped chasing after the inland people, I looked around and found that I was surrounded by so many people that truly cared and mattered to me and I felt peace about the goodbyes I had to say.
i think before I had been looking at these moments all wrong. instead of goodbyes, i should be saying hello. goodbye to high school, but hello to college. goodbye to an old shared room, hello to a new personal one. goodbye to the inland people, hello to the people of the sea.
senior year comes with so many changes and lasts, so farewells and greetings are unavoidable, and unfortunately the angst that comes with them is rather unavoidable too. so this time has had me clinging not only to the people I love, but to the Lord.
one of my favorite little fun facts about the Bible is that it says “do not fear” 365 times (one for each day :)) !! the Lord echoes this message in one of my favorite scriptures, “do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself” ~Matthew 6:34a.
my mom has this verse hung in one of our stairwells and i can still remember that the first time i saw it. i was running up to my room in tears (i don't remember why i was crying) but when i read it, i had an overwhelming sense of peace.
He offers us that same peace in all our times of trouble or change. each morning, He provides us with a renewed comfort in knowing that we do not have to fear the day ahead and each night He can calm our stormy minds because we know that we do not have to fear for tomorrow. and He gives us new hellos when we are too weary to paddle.
lover of nature, coffee, writing, dogs, & Jesus